How To Handle People with Explosive Emotions

Explosive Emotions are a very challenging aspect of ADHD. Doctors have found dysregulated emotions difficult to test and diagnose because they occur randomly.

According to Attention Magazine, it has been determined that the memory loss that accompanies ADHD often enables stronger than normal emotional outbursts. The brain networks carrying and transferring emotional information are limited in most ADHDers.  

When ADHDers have explosive emotions, the intensity may use up all the processing space in their brain resulting in the inability to think of or process any other important or relevant information.

They often completely ignore social etiquette and become obsessed with their opinions of indisputable “rightness” and the absolute necessity of its acceptance as truth.

As a result, their emotions are over the top, causing other people to be surprised and taken aback by their intensity. In addition, they may even have trouble remembering the conflict incident accurately or remembering it at all.

Dennis, Gracie, and Rita

Dennis’s sister, Rita, who was four years younger, had also been diagnosed with ADHD.

Rita decided to spend Christmas with Dennis and his wife, Gracie. They were very excited about the opportunity to spend time with her. It had been several years since her last visit.

Rita flew in on a midnight flight from New York City, three days before Christmas. Dennis met her at the gate. He noticed she did not look happy.

“Are you okay?” he asked as she walked up. He could see she wore a weird T-shirt. Without a word, she grabbed the edge of the shirt holding it out so he could read it. “I haven’t had any sleep or any meds and you’ll just have to deal with it!!!”

Dennis didn’t know what to do or say. They walked to the baggage department in total silence.

When they arrived home, Gracie ran out to the car to greet them, Rita didn’t say anything, she just pulled out her shirt like she did with Dennis. Gracie and Dennis looked at each other shrugging their shoulders. They didn’t know what to think or expect.

The next morning was Sunday. They usually went to church, but this morning they decided to watch online and let Rita sleep. The pastor was about halfway through his sermon when Rita came charging out of the bedroom madder than a wet hen.

The table had been set for her breakfast. She went to the table and sat down without a word. A few minutes later, she jumped up from the table pointing at the TV and screaming at the top of her lungs “White Supremacist B…S…”

Dennis impulsively jumped up, stepping toward her with his finger pointed in her direction shouting “No, that’s the truth.”

Rita grabbed a knife off the table and started toward Dennis. Her body was visibly shaking in rage. Gracie jumped up between them telling them both to calm down. She didn’t want to call the cops. With both of them being impulsive and having explosive emotional dysregulation, the situation could escalate to violence very quickly.

“Rita, calm down,” Gracie said firmly numerous times. Each time Rita appeared to get angrier and more spun up.

“This IS calm,” Rita shouted, showing her hand that was shaking like a leaf.

Dennis and Gracie left the house, expecting to talk things over with Rita later when she had calmed down. But instead, Rita packed her bags and got an Uber back to the airport to fly home.

Rita’s Explosive Emotions at the Airport

The small airport near Dennis and Gracie’s house had no flights to New York City until later that day.

The waiting made Rita very anxious. She just couldn’t sit still. She began pacing around the waiting area. The attendants became aware of her talking to herself as she paced. Her talking became louder and louder. The few passengers in the waiting area were visibly nervous, wondering what she would do and if she was a threat to them.

She threw her phone and it nearly hit an older lady. An attendant ran to her to calm her down, but she got worse. So, two attendants ushered her into a private waiting area away from the other passengers. She had the whole waiting area to herself.

She continued to pace. The attendants could hear occasional crashes as she threw her phone or kicked a chair.

Jeff, an attendant, asked, “Should we go talk to her?”

Allana, one of the medical staff at the airport,  watched Rita in silence, “Not yet,” she replied hesitantly. “I think she’s beginning to wear down. Let’s give her another hour or two.” 

The pacing lessened with Rita spending more time sitting slumped over in a chair.

“How are you doing?” Allana asked, walking into the room as Rita raised her head with daggers in her eyes.

“Now, now,” Allana said gently. “I know you’d like to go home, so let’s work on that, okay?”  

Rita seemed to calm some giving a nod. 

“Can you tell me why you are so angry?” 

Pausing before continuing, “It’s my brother’s fault. He’s always taking Gracie’s side instead of mine.” 

“I don’t understand,” said Allana. 

“I was getting up to talk to my brother when Gracie stepped in the middle and wouldn’t let me talk to him. She was so rude. He’s MY brother.” 

“I heard you were pointing at the TV yelling about white supremacists or something like that. Do you remember that?” Allana asked. 

Rita finally answered, “I remember somebody on the TV. I was at the table eating, then everything got all blurry. I see myself moving toward my brother and Gracie stepping in the way. Everything else is a blurry mess. I don’t know what happened.” 

ADHD Explosive Emotions Memory Loss

Allana picked up Rita’s hand and held it for a few minutes before speaking. “Rita, that often happens when someone has ADHD explosive emotions. They say it’s like the emotions take up all the space in their minds so things get blurry and they can’t sort them out or think any new thoughts. Does that sound right?” 

Tears filled her eyes, “It does. I’ve never been able to figure it out. It seems like everyone is screaming at me, so I scream back. I can’t make any sense of it. I’ve never heard about ADHD Explosive Emotions before.”

She lowered her head and cried. Allana got a box of tissue and put her arm around her. This was the first time in a long time that Rita allowed anyone to comfort or touch her.

“I know someone who loves you very, very much. Would you like to hear more?” Allana said to Rita.

“Who?” Rita asked, wiping her tears. “Nobody has ever loved me. My mom tries but she doesn’t understand.”

“Here is some paper and a pen.” Allana handed her several blank sheets of paper and a separate sheet with three lines written on it.

“What is this?” Rita asked. “Who loves me?”

“I want you to copy these three lines, over and over, until you run out of paper.”

“But, who loves me?” Rita asked a little more insistently.

“You’ll know by the time you’re finished.”

“I want to know now,” Rita said throwing everything on the floor as her explosive emotions kicked in again.

“Well,” Allana said. “How long do you want to stay here? We can extend the time if you’d like. It’s your choice.”

“OK,“ Rita said as she picked up the papers.

“Good. Buzz me when you are finished.” 

An hour or so later, Jeff said, “Look at her face. Her frown is relaxing.”

“She’ll be smiling soon,” Allana said.

The buzzer rang.

Allana walked into the room. Rita ran and gave her a big hug.

“I get it,” Rita said. “My brother and Mom tried to tell me about God and Jesus, but it didn’t make sense. I thought they were just trying to bully me into doing something. But, writing it helped me understand that God and Jesus love me.”

Tears streamed down her face.

“Do you want to pray and accept Jesus into your heart?” Allana asked

“I just did. It was the prayer I prayed before. But now I know what it means. I couldn’t understand it before. When I wrote it with “me” in the verse it made sense.”

“God loved me so much that he gave his one and only Son Jesus to save me. As a result, I believe in the Son, Jesus, and I will not die. Instead, I will live forever with God.” (John 3:16) Easy, Personalized

Allana turned to leave  “That’s wonderful. Oh, your brother is here asking if he could see you. What do you think?”

“Oh, yes. I can’t wait to tell him.”

Dennis and Rita Meet

“He’s is here?”

“Are you ready?” Allana asked.

“Yes, I think so,” she said pausing. “Do I look OK?”

“Absolutely. Remember, if you have a problem or get upset use the buzzer. I’ll be right in. OK?”

Rita nodded.

Dennis was waiting when Allana walked out of the room.

“Can I take her home?” he asked.

“If everything goes well. She has something to tell you, so let her talk first. Okay?”

“Sure,” he replied.

“I’ll be watching if there appears to be a problem, I’ll come in.“

“Rita,” Dennis said with arms out. Rita jumped into his arms giving him a big hug. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a hug like that from you. What’s up?”

“I have something to tell you.” She guided him to a chair taking his hands in hers. “Remember when you and Mom had me pray and I threw a fit?”

Dennis nodded. 

“Well, when they put me in here, Allana gave me an assignment… and I did it,” she said with a suspicious grin.

“And?” Dennis asked, leaning forward anxious to hear. 

She handed him the sheets of paper. He read them and looked up puzzled.

“She had me write John 3:16 over and over. At first, I didn’t get it, but the more I wrote, with “me” in the verse, the more excited I got. God loves me. Jesus came and died for me.”

Tears began to run down her face. She squeezed his hand. “God loves me. He loves me. He died for me. I remember the prayer. I prayed it again, but this time I understood it. He loves me.”

Tears ran down Dennis’s face. “I’m so happy.” He took her hands in his and kissed them. “What made the difference,” he asked.

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it,” she said. “But as I wrote I understood more and more.”

“I’ve been writing scripture too,” Dennis said. “I read the Bible, but I understand it better when I write it. Maybe it has something to do with ADHD,” he said  “Since we both have it.”

Allana walks in smiling, “She told you, didn’t she.”

“Yes, but why a Bible verse?” Dennis asked.

“I saw a demonic picture on her phone. She was so angry. I’ve worked with ADHDers before. When they don’t understand something they often turn to anger and blame. She displayed the same characteristics, so I prayed. I felt that’s what she needed.”